Sunday, September 27, 2009

Obituary: What is a Right-Wing Evangelical Christian Pastor without a Rubber Suit and Dildo?

Gary Aldridge

Gary Aldridge is one of the greatest in hidden schadenfreude stories. In Oct. of 2007, Rev. Gary Aldridge was a well liked pastor of the Thorington Road Baptist Mega-Church in Alabama. Once again, the best schadenfreude doesn’t arrive until after the event. With his wife and kids out of town, Aldridge thought it would be a fun to insert a dildo into his rectum before putting on a rubber suit and accidently hanging himself. When police found him they said every inch of his body was covered with rubber. (Including the condom that covered the dildo.) Autopsy recorded that he was found hogtied and wearing two complete wet suits, including a face mask, diving gloves, slippers, rubberized underwear, and a head mask. Obviously, a man's death isn't really schadenfreude material. The schadenfreude in the story arrives as a consequence.

“What is autoerotic asphyxiation daddy?”

They couldn’t explain his death at Sunday mass. They couldn’t post it on the community bulletin board. They probably came out and said, “Sorry, he’s dead. No reason. He just died.” How could they say anything else? You can’t just serve - dildo, rubber suit and autoerotic asphyxiation - on a delicate congregation and then follow with Amazing Grace. (Although, I would have paid to have seen that.) News must have spread like a Vegas bride. My schadenfreude guru woke up thinking about the myriad of right-wing Alabama grandmothers that were given an advance study course in fetish and fetish safety. Does grandma have a safety word?

No comments: